He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
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