How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
