I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
