peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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