I got chris browned last night
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
