you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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