im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
