just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
