Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
