the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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