The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
