You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
