and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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