I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
