tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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