At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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