shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
