So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
