He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
