Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
