Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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