well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i barfeds in our rink
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
