I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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