you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
