I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
