dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
