I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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