just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
