and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
