Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
