i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
