I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
