This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
