so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
