I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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