Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
