sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
