Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
