I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
