its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I am available for nakedness
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
