i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
