Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
