well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
