I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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