im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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