i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
