i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
