so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
