At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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