even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
